Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
