My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
