I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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