i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
