these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
