White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
