Redeem this text for a blowjob
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
