Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
