This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
3pm strippers are depressing
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
