she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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