After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
