We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
