There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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