I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
