If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
