yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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