i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
