he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
