By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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