Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
