True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
