I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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