i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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