If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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