Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
