Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
