I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
