Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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