I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
