even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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