no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
