I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
