Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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