so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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