Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
