I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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