let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
