Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't deserve a penis
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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