I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
