So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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