I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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