My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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