how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
