she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
