Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
