Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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