Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
