Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
