Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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