Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have already put on my inside pants.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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