its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
