Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
