ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
